nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
