Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
