i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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