He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
