let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
