i came on her dog
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
