So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
is that a dick in a sweater?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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