At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
