I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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