you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
