D3 body, D1 cock
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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