So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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