The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
