the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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