I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize