So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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