Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
