i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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