dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
