im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
