Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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