she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
