I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
