i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
