Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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