i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
