i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
