dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
