Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize