I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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