Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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