he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
