and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
