david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
