at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
