there's paper in my vomit.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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