Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
