in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
