I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
