I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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