i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
