i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
