as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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