I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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