Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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