Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
