i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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