i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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