She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
