im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Found the puke drawer
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
