Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Green mimosas i think yes
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
