She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
