This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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