i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize