He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
