so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
