I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
