my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize