ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
