from now on my penis is your penis
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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